Poem – Why Does It Happen To Me

Why does it happen to me

What’s that on your…..

Face you’ve got white all round,
Your mouth said the RAC guy,
Looking in the rear view mirror,
Oh no it’s toothpaste said I.

What’s that in your….

Hair it’s white and sticky said,
My boyfriend while we did sit,
By the beach at the seaside,
On my head a Seagull had shit.

What’s that on your….

Shoe said my friends as I,
Walked past and behind me,
Followed a trail of toilet paper,
For the whole pub to see.

What’s wrong with your….

Skirt just turn around it looks,
Like its ruffled at the back,
Rushing to the mirror to check,
It was tucked in my bum crack.

What’s that on your….

Are you cold said a colleague,
Yes it is here where I’m sat,
Staring at my chest he said,
On those could hang your hat.

Nicky you need to….

Tie your straps tighter look,
On your costume mum did shout,
Bouncing in the pool at aqautone,
As my boobs decided to pop out.

As they turned up their noses….

The yoga instructor had us tied,
Up like a rubber band in pose,
She said relax and that’s when,
I farted so loud as I rose.