Relationship Jokes – Jokes Factory

Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” 

Wife: “What does that mean?” 

Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” 

Wife: “Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?” 

Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Jokes

A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, “Darling, I wish you wouldn’t do that because the boys can see your panties.” “Okay, mommy,” the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girls hands looked dirty, so she asked, “You haven’t been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?” “Oh no, mummy,” the daughter replied. “Honestly! I took them off first.”

Jokes

A priest is sitting in a confession box and has to go to the bathroom. He calls an alter boy over and says, “I have to go pee and I need you to take over.” Not knowing what to do, the alter boy asks for help. The priest says, “Just give them a few Hail Marys and send them on their way.” Soon after, a blonde woman walks in the booth and says, “Forgive me father. I have committed a sin. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob.” The alter boy is confused, so he asks another nearby alter boy, “What does the priest usually give for a blowjob?” The second alter boy replies, “I don’t know about you, but my price is a candy bar and a Pepsi.”

Jokes Factory

An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there’s a lamp. He picks it up, and as he starts to rub the dirt off of it, a genie comes out of the lamp and says, “I want to know the person you hate the most.” The explorer says, “That’s gotta be my ex-wife. Why?” “I am a cursed genie. I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double that amount.” “Okay, I wish for a billion dollars.” “Granted, but you ex-wife gets two billion dollars.” “I wish for a mansion in California with a swimming pool, and tennis courts, everything.” “Granted, and your ex-wife gets two.” “Now make your final wish.” The explorer walks around for a few minutes, returns to the genie with a stick, and says, “You see this stick? I’d like you to beat me half to death.”

Jokes Factory

After Brian proposed to Jill, his father took him to one side. “Son, when I first got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my pants. I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, ‘Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that day, son, we have never had a single problem.” Brian took his dad’s advice and did the same thing to his wife on his wedding night. Then, Jill took off her panties and gave them to Brian. “Try these on,” she said. Brian went along with it and tried them on, but they were far too small. “What’s the point of this? I can’t get into your panties,” said Brian. “Exactly,” Jill replied, “and if you don’t change your attitude, you never will!”

Jokes Factory

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Jokes Factory

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Jokes Factory

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Importance of Feste in Twelfth Night

Feste, the amusing clown, plays a most important part in the play. He is able to take on several roles, and is indeed “for all waters”; from serious to comic, learned to nonsensical, the wit or the practical joker; just as the occasion seems to suggest. Because he is a part of both the main and sub plot, Feste is the character, who links both parts of the play together, making Twelfth Night a whole.
The clown contributes towards the humorous entertainment of this play through his numerous puns and jokes. He is a source of laughter, not because we are humored by his “foolery”; for he proves to be no fool at all; but rather because he amuses us with his brilliant wit. Having mastered the art of jesting, Feste is sensitive of his profession, always aware of the circumstances he is in and the appropriateness of this folly.
Feste is able to prevent any delusions of grandeur by a reminder that foolishness is a condition common to all mankind whether one is king or servant. It is Malvolio’s vanity that convinces Feste to take part in the joke played on the steward. As “Sir Topas”, and Malvolio’s `prosecutor` Feste attempted to help Malvolio realize that there was “no darkness but ignorance”.
With Feste’s help, we are able to attain a better understanding of the other characters in the play- revealing their true personalities, which are sometimes unseen, not only by us, the audience, but also by the characters themselves. He shows Olivia how unrealistic and excessive her mourning for her brother’s death has been, he tells Orsino how foolish he is for languishing in a mood of love-sick melancholy for Olivia and points out how mercurial his personality is, and he makes a fool out of the pompous Malvolio. “Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun- it shines everywhere” says Feste.
Feste, however, never takes sides with any of the characters, and in this way, he becomes a kind of commentator for the play. He is able to examine the characters, revealing the bare truth about them and he unites the main and sub-plot in a similar way. In his songs, Feste is ever aware of the physical existence of life, death, and love, and his music often brings a touch of reality and solemnity to the play.
Thus, we see that the function of the fool is both serious and comic. It is a paradox aptly summed up by Viola when she says of Feste: “This fellow is wise enough to play the fool”.